Friday, January 23, 2015

Try This: No-Drama Discipline

As a first time parent, I get a little crazy on how to deal with the demands of a hyper active toddler. Sometimes, when I'm not in the mood (or tired), I can easily get irritated and just throw answers or just keep quiet. But she gets mixed signals that will make the situations worse, thus more headache and bad mood. I want a win-win situation. I also know some teachers who scream their lungs out to kids. UGH. big NO to me.


This book has taught me so much on how to discipline Simone and my students without all the yelling and drama. I can only share with you excerpts from the book which are a lot!

Let's start from the word "discipline" which means to teach in Latin. (Not to punish! Now you know:)

When our children misbehaving, that's often when they most need connection with us.

When children are attached to their parents, they feel safe enough to test that relationship. In other words, your child's misbehavior is often a sign of his trust and safety with you.

They usually lash out because they don't yet have the capacity to regulate their emotional states and control their impulses.

We also believe that children should have the right to be free from any form of violence, especially at the hands of the people they trust most to protect them.

Isolating children for long periods of time, terrifying them by screaming threats, and using other forms of verbal or psychological aggression are all examples of disciplinary practices that wound children's minds even when their parents never physically touch them.

On Time-out:

The main thing kids reflect on while in time out is how mean their parents are to have put them there.

The more compassion you can have for yourself, the more compassion you can have for your child.

Recent studies demonstrate that children who are taught to read music or play the keyboard undergo significant changes in their brain and have an advanced capacity for what it's called "spatial sensorimotor mapping". In other words, when kids learn even the fundamentals of playing the piano, their brains develop differently form the kids who don't, so they can more fully understand their own bodies in relationship around them.

No-Drama Discipline allows us to communicate to our children, "I'm with you. I've got your back. Even when you're at your worst and I don't like the way you're acting, I love you, and I'm here for you. I understand you're having a hard time, and I am here."

The way we interact with our kids when they're upset significantly affects how their brains develop, and therefore, what kind of people they are, both today and in the years to come.



Our ultimate goal isn't that our children do what we want them to do because we're watching them or telling them what to do. Rather, we want to help them learn to make positive and productive choices on their own in whatever situation they face.



We agree with the notion that a tantrum is NOT the time to explain to a child that she's acting inappropriately. A child in the midst of a tantrum is nor experiencing what is traditionally called "teachable moment".

Spoiling is not about how much love and time and attention you give to your kids. You can't spoil your children by giving them too much of yourself.

We want our kids to know they'll get what they need, even id they can't always get what they want. And connecting when a child is upset or out of control is about meeting that's child's needs, not giving in to what she wants.

The problem appears when they indulge their children by giving them more and more stuff, and sheltering them from struggles, and sadness, instead of lavishly offering what their kids really need, and what really matters- their love and connection and attention and time- as their children struggle and face the frustration that life inevitably brings.

Spoiling ultimately makes life harder on us as parents because we're constantly having to deal with the demands or the meltdowns that result when our kids don't get what they've come to expect; that they'll get their way all the time.






Spoiled children often grow up to be unhappy because people in the real world don't respond to their every whim.

Ultimately then, kids need is to set boundaries and communicate our expectations. But the key here is that all discipline should begin by nurturing our children and attuning to their internal world, allowing them to know that they are seen, hears and loved by their parents even when they've done something wrong.


When your child is at worst, that's when he needs you the most.


It's a good rule of thumb not to respond the nanosecond after you witness a misbehavior.

Misbehavior often happens because a child isn't bale to regulate his big feelings.

Be consistent, but not rigid.

Consistency means working from a reliable and coherent philosophy so that our kids know what we expect of them and what they should expect from us. Rigidity, on the other hand, means maintaining an unswerving devotion to rules we've set up, sometimes without even having even thought them through or without changing them as our kids develop.




When your three year old is throwing a tantrum, remember she's only a small child with a limited capacity to control her own emotions and body. Your job is to be the adult in the relationship and carry on as the parent, as a safe, calm haven in the emotional storm. How you respond to your child's behavior will greatly impact how the whole scene unfolds.

Don't underestimate how powerful a kind tone voice can be as you initiate a conversation about the behavior you're wanting to change. Remember that, ultimately, you're trying to remain firm and consistent in your discipline while still interacting with your child in a way that communicates warmth, love, respect and compassion.

Kids don't need their parents to tell them no to make bad decisions. What they need is for their parents to redirect them, helping them recognize the bad decisions they're making and what leads up to those decisions, so they can correct themselves and change whatever needs top be changed.

Responses:

"It's OK to get mad-everyone does-but when you're angry you still need to control your body. We don't break other people's things, The next time you're that mad, you need to find an appropriate way to express your big feelings."

We all get mad, there;s nothing wrong with getting angry. But what could you do the next time you're that mad?

NO, especially if said in a harsh and dismissive tone, can automatically activate a reactive state in a child.

The other mistake we make in expecting too much is that we assume that just because our child can handle things well sometimes, she can handle things well all the time. Just because they can handle things at one time doesn't mean they can at other times.


Love your kids, set clear boundaries, discipline with love, and make up with them when you mess up.

Hope this helps!

I still recommend you to read the book;p And yes, It is effective!!!! Happy mama and baby.

xx,

shiela

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Happy 2nd Birthday Simone!

December is indeed the busiest month of the year for me! Simone had a back-to-back-to-back birthday celebrations this year!

Since we were unable to go back to Manila this holiday season, we decided to spend Simone's birthday at Legoland! 

We had an overnight stay at Granada Hotel, which is just opposite Aeon Mall in Johor Bahru. we spent our first day at the mall because the hubby refused to go anywhere that will require us to take taxi. Well. LOL. Aeon Mall it is. It has normal stores including Daiso, Popular, and an organic store.

Not bad for S$100 per night with yummy breakky!


This is a huge mall by the way!




Playground at the mall's entrance. We're stuck already.

Can't get over this Iced Coffee from The Black Canyon!

OOTD. Cute right? bought them only at Bugis!




and this. I can't. even.



By midnight, we sang happy birthday to the terrible two! She has been super cranky since the day before. I'm expecting that. ;P

Rainbow cake!

"Mom, I know it's my birthday already, but can we sleep now?"

Love you baby girl<3



<3


The next day we geared up for Legoland! Read it here.

We went to the waterpark first. Honestly, the waterpark is just like Sentosa. The toddler area was filled with lego which Simone had a blast:) The theme park was the best! I didn't expect so much because i'm not a Lego fan, but wow I'm so impressed!!!

We went home on the night of 29, and the next day, we celebrated her birthday in school with her friends.





Happy Birthday!


Excuse my fez. haha


Cut the cake!


"Elsa! Elsa!"

The crew.

Eat 'em cake.
Opening her goodie bag!










Frozen stationaries


We gave away some Frozen goodie bags for girls and Mickey Mouse for boys. I had no more time to buy decorations such as balloons and birthday banner but it was all well:P

Love these kiddos!





We also had one last birthday cake blown at her tai mah's (great grandmother) house.


Shall I?

Whoops got a tiny booboo there;)

"Uhm, like this right?"

"Whatevs, I want Elsa!"

Trio

 And Ahem!!! The birthday present:P



We finally got her a Cruzee!! It was meant to be. :) Simone and I went to a Polliwogs trade fair, and unexpectedly, they had a booth. Simone tried the balance bike and wouldn't get off of it! Luckily, I messaged the store months ago (but wasn't sure back then, so I didn't buy) and told him now that I want to purchase. Yup, got a discount since I went to the trade fair. yipeeeee!

She is a Cruzee baby! Happy Cruzeeng! haha

We had a blast! Next birthday is already planned! wahaha!

xx,

S




Simone's Birthday Trip at Legoland

       At last, I had the time to blog! Well, not really, Simone just slept early!

     Anyway, over the holidays, we squeezed in an overnight trip to Johor Bahru for Simone's birthday! It was a cold, breezy day for us, the sun and the super dark gray clouds were fighting over the skies. One minute it was very sunny, and the next minute you get a worried because it might rain any time. It only drizzled in the afternoon when we were about to leave. Thank God!

    The guy at Legoland recommended that we go to the waterpark first, because they might close early due to the weather. Honestly, it was just okay, and I think it is just like Sentosa, Port of Lost Wonder and Adventure Cove combined! Simone enjoyed the toddler area with the legos!


"Simming, simming!" (swimming)

OMG. I think I was the only one wearing a two-piece! Dyahe LOL


Do you see the Malay women behind me? I quickly wore my cover up after.





Who's enjoying now?

Simone: "I just can't...."

The water park! big kids will surely enjoy the slides!






Father and daughter moment




"Should I swim at the wave pool or go to the theme park?"

At the wave pool. Sentosa's Adventure cove is nicer:)

oh. *face palm* excuse my untoned post pregnancy tummy til now!!

Testing the waters. Her dad photo bombing- He couldn't stand because he stained his shorts with red ketchup/chili haha!

Happy girl


We went to the theme park after. Seriously, I wasn't expecting so much about the theme park, but omg I enjoyed so much! We didn't realize that the place is HUGE!


So many Lego statues!

Hey, are you forrealz?

I told her they're her friends, so she stood there and I was able to snap some pictures!










Yo..

We cool.

Big race track



Tired already!

Boating

Only decent family picture!



Train station









Treasure hunting?


Got gold?

Excuse my haggardo look!



huge!

Well, this was we were at the longest! Simone's place.

huge giraffe lego!

The toddler playground is the bomb!

hii

I didn't manage to get a decent photo of her. She was just running everywhere lol!



















That smile..:)







We went here too! It's an Observation tower.



Didn't know that there was a Castle! next destination!


I swear I shall come back and ride on this! 

Building more legos.





Inside is the dragon roller coaster. Well next time for us!



My lovely prisoners lol.

At the Star Wars theater. We didn't go in.


This is the mini-land wherein they created the different cities of some countries like Singapore, India, Vietnam, Philippines, China and many more! So cool! Uhm did I mention by using Lego? I took pictures of all but only uploaded 2:) You'll appreciate it more if you see it personally.




Hi Santa!

The adult rides are cool too, we played the fire fighting game haha it was so fun! But unfortunately, all the rest, we were not able to try them as we have our birthday girl along. I don't mind at all. :) There will be next time! We will be back for sure!!!

xx,
shiela