Unconsolable Mama

When you tried your best, but still, it failed. I can't get over it.

More than a week ago, I got a call for a cover shoot for Simone. I was ecstatic because it's a popular magazine. From there on, I play with her expressions, on how to smile, that she will get to wear pretty clothes and wear makeup, and takes photos and be on a "book" (she refers this to the magazine cover she had done the last time). She know the concept. She has done these before, and I'm just reminding her because the last time was a few months back. As a usual reward, she will get toys after the shoot, if she smiles and behave.

Day of the shoot, she was really jolly and all at the set. But once the changing of clothes had begun, it was all "I DON'T WANT!!!" It was really hard. I can't scold her, because we want to be positive, and besides, if she cries, her eyes would get swollen and red. Gave her what she wanted like sweets and her dolls to play but compromised with her. But still, she was bratty. She was running around laughing, thinking it was a game. I'm so mad, but I can't scold her in front of the staff and it will embarrass her. We played games while the photog is snapping, but not good enough. When it was finished, I asked the Director whether she had any nice shots and she replied, "Very little, we'll see if it will be approved." My heart broke. I was so disappointed in Simone, myself, well, especially myself. Should I have been strict there? Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, it's not about the cover that matters to me. She is only 3 years old and there will still be many many opportunities, but I'm super frustrated on how she suddenly changed mood from happy to bratty and I couldn't even control it. I had all the patience in the world that time, and it all went down the drain. I'm pissed because she knew I wouldn't scold her there.

After that, she was in a bad mood and started hitting me. That's when I burst my bubble. Because after all the patience i had and dealt with her brattyness, she still had to hit and yell at me. I did tell her that I didn't like her attitude a while ago, and since she didn't smile, we will not go see toys, as I have compromised with her. She cried so bad and all, and I had to endure it (yes) because it was our deal.

I cried too, blaming myself of course. I can't blame a child for not cooperating. I'm still frustrated now. I checked my phone and saw a photo of her smiling really nice, and cried again. Why can't she even manage to smile like that there, not even once? :( For now, that will be her last shoot! I was literally and emotionally super exhausted.

ps. I don't appreciate negative comments for now.

x,
chicmom&baby